Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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