TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
