He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
