You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
