I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
