No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
