I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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