So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
there is glitter all over my balls
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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