I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
