What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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