just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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