He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
