I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize