how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
