my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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