Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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