he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
