He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
