so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
