and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
