it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
