all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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