I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
