I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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