I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
