Tell her she can't have a vagina
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
