Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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