I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
