Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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