No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize