I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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