9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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