So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
