Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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