you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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