also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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