Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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