I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
