I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
