Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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