you're like a bully in the Christmas story
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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