How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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