I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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