I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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