While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
