I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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