My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
