there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
