she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't EVER smell your tampon
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
