You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
