Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
