you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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