forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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