I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
