dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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