I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
