Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this boner is exhausting
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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