highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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