i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
