Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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