Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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