i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
