The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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