if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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