how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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