I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
