i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
