I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Terrible idea I love it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
