Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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