I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
